Twentysomething.

 “The world is full of twentysomething-year-olds,

she thought, all of them blind.”

Life’s as messy as ever. I often find myself wondering if early twenties are supposed to be this hard. I almost feel like I know everything... but it also feels like I know nothing. I feel so alive and so… lost!

Early twenties mark the beginning of being an individual. You’re thrown in life completely on your own, and supposedly figuring it all out… again on your own! You start facing so many challenges that no one knows about. You start to fall in and out friendships. Those who you thought were for life were just temporary. Apparently they came by to teach you a lesson or two. You start taking crazy decisions that no one supports. You start to defend those crazy decisions thinking you know it all...

But when do we announce ourselves as grownups? When do we really have life completely figured out? I guess it never happens.

There is a certain grief inside that is growing with me, and I can’t seem to get rid of it. I’m not grieving people or memories. I’m grieving the person I was and the person I could’ve been if I took a different path. I sometimes envy those who follow a certain outline drawn for them before they were even born. Although at the same time, I feel blessed to have that kind of freedom to decide and take a different path. That kind of freedom is scary. I often wish life had a catalogue.

 At this point in my life, at 22, I’m so full of life and courage, taking risks is an everyday thing. I never thought I could be this spontaneous, however I’m enjoying it for now. I'm scared, yet enjoying it anyways. Because honestly, if not at 22, when will I ever get the chance to be this impulsive?

At this point in my life, I choose to consciously believe in myself, my decisions, and my path of choice. I never felt as happy and reassured as I am now. Both my heart and mind are in harmony. I feel lucky to have found the right people to grow and share my unfiltered thoughts with. Instead of hindering each other’s growth, we push each other.

Despite all that I’ve said, I think I like being twentysomething. I like having life ahead of me. I don’t know if I will ever catch up! But all I know is that I'm blessed and that I don’t genuinely care about catching up as much as I care about creating a life worth living. I consciously choose to approach life  with this kind of mindset. 

Because I know that in the end, I will figure it out! And if I don't, I'll still be doing just fine! :)

A bonus video that I personally admire!